templanza.
(Del lat. temperantĭa).
1. f. Moderación, sobriedad y continencia.
2. f. Benignidad del aire o clima de un país.
3. f. Pint. Armonía y buena disposición de los colores.
4. f. Rel. Una de las cuatro virtudes cardinales, que consiste en moderar los apetitos y el uso excesivo de los sentidos, sujetándolos a la razón.
5. f. ant. temple (‖ punto de dureza o elasticidad).
restraint noun /rɪˈstreɪnt/
• [U] calm and controlled behaviour
The other day someone came up to me with this word. And caught me somehow unawares. I believe I do not understand completely the meaning of it. In English or Spanish I see similarities in the concept, but restraint… I always saw the ‘restriction’ meaning, not the ‘self-control’ meaning. Anyway, beyond any possible dictionary sense of the word I come to wonder whether have I or not had the restraint all I might’ve needed it. I confess and assume how impulsive I am at everything. Though I do not see it as something bad. I just do or say whatever I feel like doing or saying. It’s something that comes from within and there’s nothing I can do about it. I see it like being spontaneous more than impulsive. And even though I am sure there’s a difference, I don’t see the wrong meaning at all.
However, I’ve been meaning to write so many things. I’ve just restrained myself from doing it. I can clearly tell spring is coming. Sometimes I hate to be like this; my emotional levels get all mixed up when the seasons change. And everything it happens, I get this emotional breakdown. It’s almost unbearable. I should be used to it, I know, but thing is, every time is different. Dunno why. I’m a gemini. A mutable sign which means that our moods and therefore, our emotional states, vary with the seasons. Not that I’ll undergo a heavy depression during spring and then be all joyful during summer. It’s more a kind of an unstable phase of change. They say we’re more flexible and can bear change better, though we get all stupid during these times. I attribute this to my constant need of change, evolution and improvement. But well…
Lately, there have been several, as in many, things touching the weakest points in my entire human being. I first thought to write about it, but I don’t think I am ready to spread the word and open up my heart to this. Not here, at least.
Nevertheless, I wanted to talk about that. Change, evolution and improvement. Because I’ve come to think I’ve got a bad perception of everything. To me the past is just the past. This does not mean that the past is not important, because it is indeed, the basement of our lives and our upcoming days. But, unchangeable and perpetual as it is, we cannot modify the past. We cannot just edit it if we like it or not. We did what we did. We didn’t what we didn’t. And whatever happened, fair or not, it happened anyway. And in different levels we all have gone thru awful things. Sorrow is always there in everybody’s lives. And That’s the point. The fact that we all live different things throughout our lives gives us the chance to share them and, why not, create a better picture of life itself. Life is tough. It is a bitch. A heartless bitch. I know I can’t talk about everything, but we all have had better days. Better times. Our golden days are always present in our heart. They’re like our fuel. And good or not, the memories of our past will be always stuck in our hearts. We only have to be smart enough to use them wisely. Someone taught me once that I had to live with my memories, not from my memories. And that person was right. That’s the way to do it. So it basically depends on our attitude. Our empowerment to face it. NOTICE, our empowerment not our ability. As in, our willing to do it. Now, why would we want to do this? Because of tomorrow. I’ve talked before about the aeonic cycles of life I believe in. It’s the same…
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This is a draft I had not yet published. I feel it’s uncomplete. When I wrote it I had this awful feeling within my heart but well, let’s move on.
There’s a really ugly foggy day in The City. (Fog reminds me of my sister. I remember those days when we used to live at least in the same country and could see each other more often. But that’s another topic; I miss her so much.) And everything I have to say is: Dear spring, don’t you think it’s been way too much of emotional breakdown? I mean, I wanna enjoy you. Summer comes SO fast and don’t wanna waste time while you are here.
Now I’m only wondering where the restraint is… where can I buy it again?
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